Nurse! Help! My high-pitched voice is making my belly button reverberate. And It really, really hurts.

Must be something in that air at the moment – my Holyrood Partnership colleagues sitting on either side of me are currently strapped up and bandaged. Sadly both Raymond Notarangelo and Adrian Mather have gone for conditions straight out of the canon of stupid injuries.

Adrian’s right wrist has been heavily strapped for at least three weeks. Indeed, I knew things were serious when he ditched his white, elastic bandage for a state-of-the-art, black, neoprene number. I’d love to tell you it was an adventuring injury and he fell off his mountain bike or snowboard. But naw. He actually strained it while playing virtual tennis on his Wii game console. I’ll say no more, becuase if you click HERE you can see there is an entire website devoted to Wii injuries.

A week ago Raymond Notarangelo came in with a DIY splint on his rather swollen and purple pinkie. The result of an ill-advised attempt to transfer his vinyl record collection into his attic. Bear in mind, this is the man who was the YMCA Young DJ of the Year in 1978, so trying to shift such a huge volume of Earth, Wind and Fire and Boney M records in one go was never a good idea.

The rather impressive collection of black soul disco music once had an amazing ability to pull plookyyoung clubbers on to the dancefloor. However, in 2008 the pull exerted was only just enough to dislodge the Bold Raymondo from his rather precarious perch on the Ramsay ladder.

He managed to avoid a 12ft plunge by jamming his smallest finger between the attic hatch and the ladder edge – but it is a wee finger to be taking that kind of weight. Manfully holding back tears, Raymond assured his guffawing son and wife that the digit was broken.

That prognosis was confirmed several days later when the pain and swelling convinced him to visit the Western General. Not only was it broken – it was spectacularly shattered. So in short order, a trip to hospital was ordered for surgery to save the little finger.

Today Raymond has come to work with a whopping great bandage on – after spending Friday in theatre at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, under a full general anaesthetic to have splinters of bone removed and the rest fused together, so that the digit, will be permanently straight.

The injuries suffered by Mondo and Adrian pale into ordinariness, when compared with that of the young, rather effete chap who ended up in the hospital bed next to Raymond. He sent titters round the ward after announcing in a rather camp (and high pitched) voice that:

“I don’t want to talk in a high pitched voice because it causes my belly button to reverberate – which is giving me extreme pain.”

Now that’s an unusual injury, by any measure. Suggestions on how it may have been suffered (or examples of similarly weird injuries) more than welcome.

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